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so unhappy!

alright, i had a bid refeed a copuple of days ago. it's ok if i put on weight when i eat, i fucking deserve it for being so gross and eat! but when I#m having 500 calories a day and still put on weight, i swear i could kill!!!!  I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE AND EVERYBODY AND I WISH I WAS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28.7.08 06:55, kommentieren

feeling a bit better

yesterday i was feeling so awful that i was not anymore in the 41 area that i wanted to be dead, really, my whole day was crap, didn't want to talk to anybody (not even with my crush), thought i could start breaking things and not stop, cried, cried, cried, felt very violent, hated myself, eat , not much, but i did, smoked (more than usual)...

today everything's better, i dropped 500 gramm, i'm in the 41 area again SAFE! i have had a very nice breakfast (which means i will have a very light dinner, but that's ok), i love breakfast!...

Last week on friday i was weighing 40.9... that was great, i hope i'll get there again soon. 

1 Kommentar 29.7.08 14:21, kommentieren

FRUST!

Bin so frustriert! wie kann das sein dass ich mit 500 kalos am tag zunehme???!!!! was soll ich denn, 200???!!! und dann kommen die FAs bestimmt, wenn ich 200 kalos am tag mache. shit, shit, shit, fucking SHIT!

1 Kommentar 31.7.08 14:39, kommentieren